Highlights from Consciousness and Psychology Books

This is an incredible introduction and all-encompassing book on the concept of the Shadow and doing deep Shadow Work.  It is a compilation of many different authors (even more than listed on the cover).  With that structure, there is still somewhat of a flow to the book when reading from cover to cover, so I would not recommend skipping around despite one's eagerness to perhaps read from a favorite author or thinker shown in the table of contents.  This is NOT a "starter" book for people who do not have a background of therapy or inner work.  

Key take-aways:

- We create shadows to conform to the rules of society.  We banish parts of ourselves in order to be accepted, and to protect our ego.  They still exist, though they are now unconscious "shadows," which can influence your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings.  Remaining unconscious of these shadows can wreak havoc in your life and relationships.  To attempt to face these shadows and do your inner work can be challenging and destabilizing for many, though it is very important to do so.  

- Most things that bother us about other people, are really just us projecting our shadowy parts onto them, making others a scapegoat.  Noticing our judgements on others (projections) is one way to make the unconscious become conscious (integrate your shadow). 

- To honor our shadow may be as simple as acknowledging it and allowing it to exist within your full awareness.  The energetic shift towards this, coming from being banished or unaccepted is profound in itself.  My main question I had throughout this book was "Ok, now that I have become aware of this shadow...what do I do with it?" The answer can be simple: nothing.  Just noticing it and letting it be, is integrating you deeper into wholeness and further away from being a dissociated fractionated unconscious being.  If you can hold all of your parts, honor and love them, they may no longer feel the need to control you or drive your behaviors.  

Important highlighted passages:

"When we react intensely to a quality in an individual or group- such as laziness or stupidity, sensuality, or spirituality- and our reaction overtakes us with great loathing or admiration, this may be our own shadow showing.  We project by attributing this quality to the other person in an unconscious effort to banish it from ourselves, to keep ourselves from seeing it within." (p. XVIII). *Note that the word admiration is used: this is because we also have a 'golden shadow,' which are traits of us that we have banished, and we may become more aware of them by noticing what we admire in others.  Integrating the golden shadow allows us to aspire to these potentials.  

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."

"For Jung. and his followers, psychotherapy offers a ritual for renewal in which the shadow personality can be brought to awareness and assimilated, thus reducing its inhibiting or destructive potentials and releasing trapped, positive life energy" (p. 4)

"Only that which we cannot accept within ourselves do we find impossible to live with in others."

"Unfortunately repression does not eliminate the qualities or drives or keep them from functioning.  It merely removes them from ego awareness; they continue as complexes.  By being removed from view they are also removed from supervision and can thereby continue their existence unchecked and in a disruptive way.  The shadow, then, consists of complexes, of personal qualities resting on drives and behavior patterns which are a definite 'dark'  part of the personality structure.  In most instances they are readily observable by others.  Only we ourselves cannot see them.  The shadow qualities are usually in glaring contrast to the ego's ideals and wishful efforts."

"We imagine ourselves so long pursued by ill will that ill will is eventually produced by others in response ti our vitriolic defensiveness."

"In order to protect its own control and sovereignty the ego instinctively puts up a great resistance to the confrontation with the shadow; when it catches a glimpse of the shadow the ego most often reacts with an attempt to eliminate it.  Our will is mobilized and we decide, 'I just won't be that way any more!' Then comes the final shattering shock, when we discover that, in part at least, this is impossible no matter how we try.  For the shadow represents energetically charged autonomous patterns of feeling and behavior.  Their energy cannot simply be stopped by an act of will.  What is needed is rechanneling or transformation. However, this task requires both an awareness and an acceptance of the shadow as something which cannot simply be gotten rid of." 

"The most dangerous times, both collectively and individually, are those in which we assume that we have eliminated it." (p. 14-18, Edward Whitmont)

"When one first sees the shadow clearly, one is more or less aghast.  Some of our egocentric defense systems then necessarily fall apart or melt away.  The result can be a temporary depression, or clouding of consciousness.  Jung compared the process of integration- which he called individuation- to the process of alchemy.  One stage of alchemy is the melanosis, where everything turns black inside the vessel containing all the alchemical elements.  But the black stage is absolutely essential.  Jung said it represents the first contact with the unconscious, which is always the contact with the shadow.  The ego takes that as a kind of defeat." 

"The idea is that the ego is originally quite close to the center of the Self.  As it moves farther away, it develops an egocentric posture, which is often exacerbated by unfavorable childhood influences."

"There's a tremendous difference between a strong ego and an egocentric ego; the latter is always weak. Individuation, the attainment of one's real potential, can't take place without the strong ego." (p. 23-26 Patrick Miller)

"...living out the Shadow is not the answer, neither is the repression of the Shadow the answer, for both leave the personality split in two." (p. 31, John Sanford)

"People who strongly deny and repress shadow generally lack a sense of humor and find very few things funny." (p.42, William Miller)

"If parents are to deal successfully with the shadow personality of a child, they need to accept and be in touch with their own Shadows.  Parents who have difficulty accepting their own negative feelings and less than noble reactions will find it difficult to have a creative acceptance of the child's dark side.  Notice, however, that by acceptance I do not mean permissiveness.  It does not help a child to have parents who are permissive toward all kinds of behavior.  There are forms of behavior that are not acceptable in human society and children have to learn this and have to establish their capacity to control these forms of behavior from within.  In a permissive atmosphere a child's capacity to develop his or her own behavior monitoring system is blunted.  The ego development will then be too weak to enable a child as an adult to cope with the Shadow." (p. 59, John Sanford)

"We are all, every one of us, full of horror.  If you are getting married to try to make yours go away, you will only succeed in marrying your horror to someone else's horror, your two horrors will have the marriage, you will bleed and call that love.

My closet is full of hooks, full of horrors, and I also love them, my horrors, and I know they love me, and they will always hang there for me, because they are also good for me, they are also on my side, they gave so much to be my horrors, they made me strong to survive.  There is much in our new 'enlightened' lexicon to suggest that one may move into a house that doesn't have such a closet.  You move into such a house and think everything is fine until after a while you start to hear a distant screaming, and start to smell something funny, and realize slowly that the closet is there, alright, but it's been walled over, and just when you need desperately to open it you find yourself faced with bricks instead of a door." (p. 78, Michael Ventura)

"The human devil resides in the pit of the belly... Carnal pleasure is the main temptation the devil uses to lure the ego into the abyss of hell.  Against this catastrophe the terrified ego strives to maintain control of the body at all costs.  Consciousness, associated with the ego, becomes opposed to the unconscious or the body as the repository of the dark forces." (p. 82, Alexander Lowen)

"Because the sick person does not perceive his own distortions, he feels that the ills in his life and functioning come from the outside.  The sicker he is, the more he feels that his troubles are caused by outside forces... A healthy person is able to a great degree to do the exact opposite." 

"What does evil mean in relation to energy and consciousness? In terms of energy, it means a slowing down, a diminution of frequency, a condensation... In terms of consciousness, the slower the frequency of movement, the more the distortion of the consciousness and vice versa." 

"In the Bible Jesus said a sentence that in my interpretation makes a very important point.  Speaking to his disciples he taught, 'Do not resist evil' (Matthew 5:39). Let us explain this.  The resistance itself is the evil.  When there is no resistance, energy is unobstructed and flows.  When there is resistance, movement stops, backs up, stagnates the organism.  Resistance suffocates the emotions, deadens energy, and kills feelings" (p.88-90, John Pierrakos)

"If you undertake spiritual practice you will be confronted by your dark side.  This is an axiom.  The spiritual quest is dangerous, just as the books say.  Seeking truth means experiencing pain and darkness, as well as the clear white light.  Practitioners must prepare themselves to deal with the dark underside of life."

"When we practice meditation and contemplation the dark side within us is washed to the surface of consciousness by the purifying and energizing effect of these exercises.  The ability to deal with these emerging dark impulses is a basic skill which must be mastered by every practitioner. Moral, ethical, and spiritual integrity is required, but accurate practical knowledge is just as important.  Without study, our conception of the dark side tends to be a primitive relic of childhood creepie-crawlies and bogeymen.  If we attempt to confront our dark side with this programming we are quickly paralyzed.  Instead, we must gather reliable information, read books, observe and analyze our personal psychologies, and in time develop a more complete picture of the nature of the dark side.  An educated and mature attitude toward evil is a necessity of the practitioner."

"Personal repressed 'evil' is released by meditation, and it must be examined and integrated by the practitioner as a necessary part of the meditation process."

"...it should be recognized that these eruptions of the dark side can be of great benefit for one's self-development. Ultimately, transforming these frightening visions into usable psychic energy is the only way to deal with them, and the nuances of this process of 'turning lead into gold' will require every bit of skillful means that the practitioner possesses.

The usual first reaction upon seeing one's personal evil is to feel tremendous guilt and shame, and to identify with the shadow, feeling as though one had just been exposed as evil incarnate."

The actual process of healing and transforming the eruptions of the dark side can be very complicated.  Because these dark complexes were written into the psyche during childhood, reasoning with the 'dark side' has almost no effect.  On the other hand, rituals, purifactory regimes, healings, protective power objects, and special meditative and grounding exercises can all be of benefit when used in the right time and right place.  The energy of the dark nature must be frequently released and expressed, and this should be done consciously, using art or ritual, to prevent an excess flow of psychic energy from harming family and friends."  (p. 134-137, William Carl Eichman)

"Since they must deny their own badness, they must perceive others as bad. They project their own evil onto the world.  They never think of themselves as evil; on the other hand, they consequently see much evil in others."

"Evil originates not in the absence of guilt but in the effort to escape it."

"It is only one particular kind of pain they cannot tolerate: the pain of their own conscience, the pain of the realization of their own sinfulness and imperfection. Since they will do almost anything to avoid the particular pain that comes from self-examination, under ordinary circumstances the evil are the last people who would ever come to psychotherapy.  The evil hate the light- the light of goodness that shows them up, the light of scrutiny that exposes them, the light of truth that penetrates their deception." (p.178-180, M. Scott Peck)

"We do, in fact, love or hate our enemies to the same degree that we love or hate ourselves.  In the image of the enemy, we will find the mirror in which we may see our own face most clearly." (p. 199, Sam Keen)

"When we lay claim to the evil in ourselves, we no longer need fear its occurring outside of our control."

"Nothing about ourselves can be changed until it is first accepted." (p. 247, Sheldon Kopp)

"Imbedded in our neuroses and physical illnesses are unconscious values and patterns that are essential for wholeness.  In order to discover their meaning, we need to ally ourselves with our illnesses.  This means paying close attention to the symptoms without making a priori assumptions or tying to change them.  Basic to this approach is the idea that what is happening is somehow right and that we should assist it."

"This cooking process involves 'heating up' what is already happening by intensely focusing on and amplifying it." (p. 254, Gary Toub) 

"When the wise man learns the Way

He tries to live by it.

When the average man learns the Way

He lives by only part of it.

When the fool learns the Way

He laughs at it.

Yet if the fool did not laugh at it,

It would not be the Way.

Indeed; if you are seeking the Way

Listen for the laughter of fools.

(p. 255, Gary Toub quoting Lao Tzu)

"Sometimes the shadow is so far from consciousness and so frightening that the door must not be opened until one is ready to face it.  One may be opening the door to the whole swamp of the unconscious and can be flooded with archetypal anxiety.  In a tide of enthusiasm, as in group workshops, a person can be swept up into 'uncovering it all,' the deeper the better, but a person's real vulnerability must be taken into account.

Deeper is not always better. After all, defenses serve a purpose.  In your curiosity, if you tear off a scab you may leave a raw wound if it is too early.  The natural process of healing takes time.  Once you have grown a protective coating for a deep wound, then you are safe and can look." (p.258, Karen Signell)

"The journey into the unconscious- encountering, befriending, and integrating the Shadow- is not one to be undertaken lightly.  Nor can it be undertaken at all until ones ego development is strong enough and consciousness truly valued and secure.  Here is the great paradox and irony.  It is only when we so believe in our consciousness that we also see it as all there is that we can come to see, respect, and value the Shadow for its danger and its treasure.  With each encounter with the Shadow, consciousness needs both to hold its own and surrender only when sufficiently convinced.  The dance of bearing the tension of opposites is always intricate, the goal is always the widening of consciousness, integrating what was formerly unconscious and possibly seen as evil.  This is never done directly. It happens through an intermediary.  The opposites unite in a third, a child of both, a symbol of transcendence.  The lion and the lamb come together in the Kingdom; black and white come together in gray.  The integration of Shadow and consequent growth in consciousness will take time.  It will happen in stages." (p. 261, Janice Brewi and Anne Brennan)

"Although it is possible for evil to be transformed into good, we must not overlook the fact that this is only a possibility."

"One can make a wide circle around evil, and assert that it must be sublimated, or suppressed.  On the other hand, as Nietzsche suggested, one can ally oneself with it- with the reverse side of morality- and help the blind will to live to achieve realization."

"...since one can never be sure whether it is the voice of God or the voice of the Devil- he maintained that the individual's surrender to the transpersonal and the unconscious was the only way to salvation." 

"It is always necessary to question whether the author of the message is God or the Devil."

"Therefore, mere surrender to, or blind faith in the unconscious powers is no more satisfactory than a stubborn resistance to the 'unknown.' Just as an attitude of complete trust can be the expression of childishness, so an attitude of critical resistance can be a measure of self-protection." 

Dealing with the shadow requires a choice between two mutually exclusive opposites as well as a realization in conscious life.  There are three ways in which the individual can attempt to solve the problem.  He can renounce one side in favor of the other; he can retire from the conflict altogether; or he can seek a solution that will satisfy both sides...

Reconciliation of the opposites, therefore, can only be achieved by 'transcending' them; that is, by raising the problem to a higher level where the contradictions are resolved...

The freer he can keep himself of hard and fast principles and the readier he is to sacrifice his ego-will, the better are his chances of being emotionally grasped by something greater than himself.  He will then experience an inner liberation, a condition- to use Nietzsche's phrase- 'beyond good and evil.' In psychological terms, the sacrifice of the ego-will adds energy to the unconscious, and leads to an activation of its symbols...

A transformation takes place in the symbols of both good and evil.  Good looses some of its goodness, and evil some of its evil.  As doubt of the 'light' of consciousness increases, so the 'darkness' of the soul appears less black.  A new symbol emerges in which the opposites can be reconciled." (p.264- 268, Liliane Frey-Rohn)

"In this war between the opposites, there is only one battleground- the human heart.  And somehow, in a compassionate embrace of the dark side of reality, we become bearers of the light.  We open to the other- the strange, the weak, the sinful, the despised- and simply through including it, we transmute it.  In doing so, we move ourselves toward wholeness." (p. 273)

"Projection on the Ego Level is very easily identified: if a person or thing in the environment informs us, we probably aren't projecting; on the other hand, if it affects us, chances are that we are a victim of our own projections."

"Thus, if I am feeling anxiety, I would usually claim that I am a helpless victim of this tension, that people or situations in the environment are causing me to become anxious. The first step is to become fully aware of anxiety, to get in touch with it, to shake and jitter and gasp for air- to really feel it, invite it in, express it - and thus realize that I am responsible, that I am tensing, that I am blocking my excitement and therefore experiencing anxiety.  I am doing this to myself, so that anxiety is an affair between me and me and not me and the environment.  But this shift in attitude means that where formerly I alienated my excitement, split myself from it and then claimed to be a victim of it, I now am taking responsibility for what I am doing to myself."

"Now to play the opposites, to be aware of and eventually re-own our Shadows, is not necessarily to act on them! It seems that nearly every person is most reluctant to confront his opposites for fear they might overpower him.  And yet it's rather just the other way round: we end up, totally against our will, following the dictates of the Shadow only when it's unconscious."

"To make any valid decision or choice we must be fully aware of both sides, of both opposites, and if one of the alternatives is unconscious, our decision will probably be a less than wise one.  In all areas of psychic life, as this and every example in this chapter has shown, we must confront our opposites and re-own them- and that doesn't necessarily meant act on them, just to be aware of them."

"Thus, the problem is not to get rid of any symptom, but rather to deliberately and consciously try to increase that symptom, to deliberately and consciously experience it fully! If you are depressed, try to be more depressed.  If you are tense, make yourself even tenser.  If you feel guilty increase your feelings of guilt- and we mean that literally! For by so doing your are, for the very first time, acknowledging and even aligning yourself with your Shadow, and hence are doing consciously what you have heretofore been doing unconsciously.  When you, as a personal experiment, consciously throw every bit of yourself into actively and deliberately trying to produce your present symptoms, you have in effect thrown your persona and Shadow together.  You have consciously contacted and aligned yourself with your opposites, and, in short, re-discovered your Shadow." 

"In all cases, conscious adherence to a symptom delivers you from the symptom. But you must't worry about whether the symptom disappears or not- it will but don't worry about it.  To play your opposites for the sole reason of trying to erase a symptom is to fail miserably at playing your opposites." (p. 274-277, Ken Wilber).

"In learning to deal with demonic energies, one basic principle should be followed: The way to work with disowned instinctual energies that have become demonic is to wait before working with them.  It is essential to first work for a considerable period of time with the primary selves who fear and are opposed to demonic energies.  They have been protecting the individual since early childhood from these energies because they perceived them as dangerous.  Demonic energies continue to be dangerous until such time as an aware ego is able to handle them as well as the more controlled, rational selves.  It is also crucial to avoid being seduced by a subject who says: 'I want to work with my demonic.' These are not energies to be tampered with." 

"What is remarkable about this whole process is that when we have the courage to look at our disowned parts, they change.  The raging lion licks our face.  He does not need to take over our personality; he only needs to be honored, to be heard, to be allowed to speak." (p. 285-288, Hal Stone and Sierra Winkelman)

This is an excellent book, mostly designed to help a clinician practicing IFS or desiring to practice IFS, though it could be helpful to the highly motivated client wanting a deeper awareness of trauma and how to heal. There may be other books more suited for a client though, such as “No Bad Parts” by Richard Schwartz, or “Self-Therapy” by Jay Earley (neither of which I have read, but I hear great things about, and are supposedly for a wider audience). This entire book is packed with vital information, profound concepts and strategies to bring into IFS work, and useful examples from Frank’s therapy practice working with clients. I cannot more highly recommend this book to practitioners of IFS.  

I will share a few things I have marked while reading that struck me, though note that the more foundational skills are also explored in this book which will be helpful to those newer to IFS (I just will not be spending too much time summarizing them for my own comprehension as it already feels like second nature to me). Most of my noted points are for my own reading comprehension and notes to self.

Overall, I want to share that I really enjoy Frank. I did an IFS training with him that really started me on my path with IFS, got me feeling competent with it, and feeling like my life is forever changed and there is no going back. His approach is very holistic and aligned with my values. He is not afraid to get highly spiritual in a clinical context, which is so cool and refreshing to me to have the leading influences of our field like him and Richard Schwartz be going into that territory and normalizing it in the therapy setting. Richard Schwartz even admits that IFS is just a repacked, evidence based version of what has already existed for thousands of years as “shamanic work.” What blew my mind the most was learning how far they go in IFS with this in terms of “Unattached Burdens,” which are essentially entities or negative energies, not parts. Yes, that is basically IFS language for “possession.” We address these similarly to how we address “Legacy Burdens,” which are inherited traumas (scientifically proven through epigenetics). 

Highlights and *Thoughts:

From an IFS perspective, we are able to differentiate between compassion and empathy. Compassion is a way to care for others with a desire to help them, while maintaining a boundary that is unblended with distance and perspective…and connected to Self-energy. Empathy is resonating with the other’s suffering in a way that is activated, blended, and feeling our own suffering while feeling theirs. There is also a more psychic and intuitive way to sense someone’s energy and emotion, which does not activate our own feelings. (P. 39)

‘Direct Access’ is a skill in which the therapist uses their Self to talk directly to a part. This can be explicit or implicit. (P. 51-52) *Essentially this means more guidance from the therapist, and less Self-leadership from the client, which is important while a client may not have much access to their own Self-energy yet. I find in my approach, the trajectory of work I do with clients has more Direct Access toward the beginning (if even needed), which tapers off as a client has experienced a few healings and develops a trust toward their inner wisdom and the IFS process.

“Adults typically have free will and choice when it comes to decisions about relationships. They can choose to stay, or they can choose to leave a painful, unsatisfying, or abusive relationship. Children are not afforded this same luxury; they are forced to stay. When adults suffer from a history of repeated relational betrayals when they are young, and they haven't done the work to heal those wounds, they tend to repeat them. Adults often remain tethered to their past, believing they can't leave, and reenact their childhood experiences with their adult partners.” (p. 81)

“Gabor Maté talks about two basic needs that all human beings have: (1) the need for attachment, and (2) the need for authenticity (knowing what we feel and being able to express who we are; Maté 2011). He further describes what happens when the two are not aligned. When children receive information about themselves that doesn't align with their authentic Self, they have to choose between the to; they will often choose attachment over authenticity for the sake of survival (Maté 2011). They disconnect or suppress their true Self to survive. Maté believes that repeated misalignment or disconnection can later manifest itself in mental health problems we face as a society, such as addictions and physical illnesses. This is a bold statement to make-that addiction and physical illness are rooted in relational trauma-yet one l totally agree with.” (P. 95)

“As the therapist, it is our job to compassionately hold the space for gentle exploration and to help each part unload the shame it carries toward itself and other parts within the system. If we directly point out these cycles to clients, we become part of the problem instead of the solution. And we inject even more shame into an already shame-ridden system.” (P. 113) *Friendly reminder to myself…

“It's important to be able to distinguish between feelings and traumatic affect. They're not the same and are often inaccurately equated. Traumatic affect is not an emotion but an intense expression of an overwhelming symptom or reaction that is typically held in protective parts. It's an exaggerated response to devastating or violating circumstances.  Yelling, cutting, and being suicidal, hyper-vigilant, dissociative, or reactive are physiological reactions to overwhelming events, not feelings. Trauma also includes feelings, which can be held within protective parts (e.g., feeling angry, afraid, or remorseful) or exiles (e.g., feeling alone, unlovable, or worthless).” (P. 134)

“In IFS, the internal Self-to-part connection is the primary healing relationship, and the therapeutic relationship is adjunctive or secondary to that. In other words, the internal relationship is reparative, and the external relationship is supportive of that process.” (P. 144). *I love this. I often find there can be this energy we all can bring to a provider of “fix me.” This energy forfeits all self-reliance and puts it into the hands of a stranger (a stranger whom is most certainly an imperfect human on their own healing journey if they are a therapist or any sort of self-proclaimed “healer”). To have this reliance given right back to you and your own system to be nurtured and strengthened is profound, and one of the most important things a provider can do for you, especially if you have relational or attachment wounds.

The IFS process has a formula to the unburdening stage (healing the wound). The six steps are: Witnessing, do-over, retrieval, unload, invitation, and integration. Witnessing involved having the part share with the Self all that it is holding. Do-over involved having Self going into the scene to give the part a corrective experience. Retrieval involves removing the parts art from the scene of the past and bringing it somewhere in the present. Unload involves having the part release thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. Invitation allows the part to take in qualities it needs moving forward. Integration of involves bringing the protectors back in to see the unburdened part and suggesting a release of their roles. (P. 167) *I find the process often flows like this, once we enter the wound. Though, sometimes, if a client is deeply in Self-energy, I trust the flow of their own process more than a formula, as a healing can unfold in many different ways. Sometimes my role becomes more that of “space holder” for a somatic or spiritual process to manifest.

“Releasing legacy-burden energy, perpetrator energy, or unattached-burden energy a similar in practice and theory. Ir's crucial not to react negatively toward it or to be afraid of it. Instead, stay calm, steady, and within Self-energy as you and your client send love, light, and compassion to help it transform, Asking for outside help from God, guides, angels, or ancestors sometimes helps but isn't necessary. Occasionally, we ask the energy if it has any wisdom it wants to impart before it leaves.” (p. 189)

Overview:

The only parenting book you need. This book blew me away on just about every page. I felt like Shefali’s words were channeled directly from consciousness and just resonated perfectly. I highlighted so much from this book as there is so much profundity within it. Yet at the same time, I feel I could sum this up pretty quickly into a key concept…

Conscious Parenting is not some new trending parenting style like the next fad diet. There are lots of parenting styles out there, and choosing the wrong one could mean messing your kid up for life. There is no risk of that here, as Conscious Parenting is not a parenting style. It is a way of being. A way of life. Living at your highest level of emotional intelligence and well-being in order to pass that along to the next generation. This entails doing our individual work as humans. The tough stuff. The Ego work. The Shadow Work. The healing. And if we all do our part in that… we literally change and/or save the world by raising a healthy new generation. We stop passing the buck of trauma, narcissism, abuse and neglect. We realize the buck stops with us, and we do what we need to do to take care of it so our children do not have to. That is exactly what is happening in the millennial generation as mental health treatment has become less stigmatized by the time we are having children.  

Reading this book is so important to any parent, or even grandparent to read. Or even anyone wanting to get a deeper understanding of how their parents affected them. This book will call anyone out on their negative traits and the impact on those around them. It will shed insight, and hopefully spark you into a deeper journey of healing and self-improvement.  

Parenting is a spiritual journey, and our children can be a spiritual teacher to us. How much we get out of this experience is directly proportional to how engaged and present we are with our little ones. They will mirror all of our traits back to us and trigger us in the ways we need to be triggered in order to highlight where our work is. At that point, it is up to you. Do you want to resent them for it, or do you want to realize it was yours to begin with and it is time to correct it?

This is probably my most marked up book… so I will share a lot of highlights, and they all are important, especially if you are a parent.

Highlights:

“A single misplaced response can shrivel a child’s spirit, whereas the right comment can encourage them to soar. In each moment, we can choose to make or break, foster or cause to freeze up.” (P. 2)

“Each of our children has their own particular destiny to live out- their own karma, if you like. Because children carry a blueprint within them, they are often already in touch with who they are and what they want to be in the world. We are chosen as their parents to help them actualize this. The trouble is that if we don’t pay close attention to them, we rob them of their right to live out their destiny. We end up imposing on them our own vision for them, rewriting their spiritual purpose according to our whims.” (P. 3-4)

“On the parent’s side of the equation, the problem with the traditional approach to parenting is that it rigidifies the ego with its delusions of power. Since our children are so innocent and ready to be influenced by us, they tend to offer little resistance when we impose our ego on them- a situation that holds the potential for our ego to become stronger. If you want to enter into a state of pure connection with your child, you can achieve this by setting aside any sense of superiority. By not hiding behind an egoic image, you will be able to engage your child as a real person like yourself. I use the word "image" in connection with the ego intentionally, so I want to make clear exactly what I mean by "ego" and its associated term "egoic." In my experience, people tend to think of the ego as their "self," in the sense of who they are as a person. The word egoic would then refer to an inflated sense of ourselves such as we associate with vanity.

Crucial to an understanding of this book is the fact that I am using these terms in a quite different way.

I want to propose that what we regard as our "ego" isn't our true self at all. I see the ego as more like a picture of ourselves we carry around in our head — a picture we hold of ourselves that may be far from who we are in our essential being. All of us grow up with such an image of ourselves. This self-image begins to form when we are young, based largely on our interactions with others.

"Ego" as I'm using the term is an artificial sense of ourselves. It's an idea we have about ourselves based mostly on other people's opinions. It's the person we have come to believe we are and think of ourselves as. This self-image is layered over who we truly are in our essence. Once our self-image has formed in childhood, we tend to hold onto it for dear life.” (P. 6-7)

“While we believe we hold the power to raise our children, the reality is that our children hold the power to raise us into the parents they need us to become. For this reason, the parenting experience isn't one of parent versus child but of parent with child. The road to wholeness sits in our children's lap, and all we need do is take a seat. As our children show us our way back to our own essence, they become our greatest awakeners. If we fail to hold their hand and follow their lead as they usher us through the gateway of increased consciousness, we lose the chance to walk toward our own enlightenment.” (p. 11)

“A conscious approach to parenting urges parents to address issues that are the hallmarks of consciousness, such as:

Am I allowing myself to be led toward greater spiritual awakening through my relationship with my children?

How can I parent my children with an awareness of what they truly need from me, and thus become the parent they deserve to have?

How can I rise above my own fear of change and transform myself to meet the requirements of my child's spirit?

Dare I go against the stream and parent from a place where the inner life is valued far more than the external?

Do I recognize every aspect of my parenting as a call

to my higher evolution?

Am I able to perceive my relationship with my children as a sacred relationship?“ (p. 14-15)

“Unless we consciously integrate the unintegrated aspects of our childhood, they never leave us but repeatedly reincarnate themselves in our present, then show up all over again in our children.“ (p. 15)

“Without our realizing, we so often endorse our children for their actions, rather than for just being. Celebrating our children's being means allowing them to exist without the snares of our expectations. It's to revel in their existence without them having to do a single thing, prove anything, or accomplish any kind of goal.

No matter how it manifests, our children's essence is pure and loving. When we honor this essence, they trust we understand that their internal world is good and worthy, regardless of what manifests externally. Our ability to stay connected to their essence, holding steady through those periods in which their external world may be falling apart, conveys the message that they are of immense value.

Allow me to suggest some of the ways in which you can let your children know they are accepted simply for themselves, quite apart from anything they do:

They are resting, and you tell them how appreciated they are.

They are sitting, and you tell them how happy you are to sit with them.

They are walking in the house, and you stop them to say, "Thank you for being in my life."

They hold your hand, and you tell them how much you love to hold theirs.

They wake up in the morning, and you write them a letter saying how blessed you are to get to see them first thing in the day.

You pick them up from school and tell them how much you missed them.

They smile, and you tell them your heart is warmed.

They kiss you, and you tell them you love being in their presence.” (P. 26-27)

“Ego is in operation anytime we find ourselves attached to a thought pattern or belief system. We often don't even recognize we are attached until we are triggered on an emotional level. However, whenever anger, control, domination, sadness, anxiety, or even a positive emotion such as happiness takes over and our sense of our

"rightness" reigns supreme, we are in ego. When we operate from this rigid place of "rightness," we bring to our reality an already formulated assumption, ideal, or judgment. If a situation or individual doesn't conform to our will, we react to control the situation or the individual, bringing them under our domination.

Living in an egoic state, we fail to see others for who they are in their true being, their essence.” (P. 40-41)

“To parent children from ego is to live with the unconscious mandate that your way is the right way.” (P. 42)

“Our ego-attachments are a mask for our fears, the greatest of wich is surrendering to the mysterious nature of life itself. When we come from ego rather than from pure being, we don't connect with our children's essential being. As a result, they grow up disconnected from their own essence, and thus learn to distrust their connection to all that exists. Approaching life from fear stifles the emergence of their genuine, uninhibited, unaffected being. Our ego therefore needs to crumble to allow our authenticity to emerge, which in turn frees our children to grow up true to themselves.

If we free ourselves from our ego and simply observe our children's development as life spontaneously teases it out of them, they become our teachers. In other words, living authentically allows us to cease looking at our children as blank canvasses on which we can project our image of who they should be, seeing them instead as fellow travelers on the journey, changing us as much as we are changing them.

The question is, are you willing to give up thinking you "know," step down from your egoic pedestal of authority, and allow yourself to learn from these creatures who are most able to live in a state of egoless consciousness?

To live authentically instead of in ego is to embrace continuous evolution, realizing we are always in flux, always a work in progress.

Authenticity requires us to access that deep, silent aspect of our being that is nevertheless audible beneath the whirring din of whatever may be happening in our life. While supported and guided by the external environment, this authentic state of being doesn't need the external environment in order to survive. Rather, it requires a synchronicity with our mind and a moment-by-moment connection with our body.” (p. 42)

“When we parent from the traditional approach, we encourage our children to look up to us because this is how we were raised. To be good parents, we feel we need to be all-knowing and all-powerful. Little do we realize that when we portray ourselves as so competent, we foster inhibition and fear in our children. They look at us and see an image so out of reach that it causes them to feel inordinately small. In this way, we imprint in them the idea that they are "less than" us, which discourages them from getting in touch with their own competence.” (p. 45)

“All we need to do is model. When our children realize we are perfectly okay with our okayness, it encourages a feeling of competence within them. By delighting in our follies, we teach our children not to take themselves too seriously. By being willing to make a fool of ourselves as we try new things, we teach them to explore life with little care for how they "look" or perform.” (p. 46)

“When you relate to your children by honoring who they are at any given moment, you teach them to honor themselves. If, on the other hand, you seek to shift them from their present state, altering their behavior to meet your approval, you convey the message that their authentic being is inadequate. As a result, your children begin to adopt a persona, which takes them away from who they really are.

Letting go of your attachment to your vision of parenthood and your desire to write your children's future is the hardest psychic death to endure. It demands that you drop all prior agendas and enter a state of pure release and surrender. It asks that you forego your fantasies of who you thought your child would be and instead respond to the actual child in front of you.” (p. 48)

“Many of us harbor the fantasy that, of all the people we have to deal with in life, at least our children will bend to our will. If they don't, daring instead to live their own life, marching to their own beat, we feel insulted. When our more discreet methods of gaining compliance fail, we become louder and more forceful, simply unable to bear the idea that our children are challenging our will. Of course, the alienation this results in is the reason our children lie to us, at times even cheating and stealing, and may go so far as to stop communicating with us.” (p. 50)

“In contrast, if parents are unable to tolerate their own emotions when things don't go according to plan, their children soak up these emotions, which then form their emotional repertoire. Such individuals are triggered at every turn, apparently under the illusion that if they react strongly enough, life will bend to their will.

When a person with this egoic imprint experiences a downturn in some aspect of their life and becomes exasperated, their exasperation is an attempt to camouflage their insecurity. Unaccustomed to sitting with the painful feeling of helplessness in a situation, their ego converts their insecurity into indignation and rage. Anger is a powerful stimulant, seducing us to believe we are strong and in control. Paradoxically, when we are in the grip of anger, we are anything but in control. We are prisoners of ego.” (p. 53)

“Whenever we respond to our child, it behooves us to realize that because the child imbibed its sense of identity from us in the first Place, we are in fact responding to pieces of our own self that are reflected in the child. This is why we barely see our children for who they are, but imagine them as a "mini me," which of course solidifies our ego. We don't realize it, but most of the time when we think we are responding to our children, we are reacting to the pieces of ourselves that they have internalized. This is the reason we find ourselves overly-identified with our children, their feelings, and their problems. Unable to separate our emotions from theirs, and unable to be objective and rational, we are in reality identifying with something in our own past. In this rather complicated psychological process, we unintentionally squelch our children's ability to be who they are, binding them to our psyche in a way they don't need.” (p. 55)

“Especially in the early years, parents function as mirrors for their children. Consequently, if you are unable to access your joy, you will be unable to be a mirror of your children's joy. Thus they are barred from access to an essential aspect of their being. How sad for a child not to be able to enjoy their spontaneously joyous essence!” (p. 57)

“Our consciousness and unconsciousness are transmitted not only by our overt pain, but also in the energy we exude just by our presence, even when we say and do nothing. Thus our children pick up a great deal from how we embrace them each morning, how we react when they break our favorite vase, how we handle ourselves in a traffic accident, how we sit and talk to them, whether we really look at what they show us, and whether we take an interest in what they say.

They notice when we intrude on their life with unwarranted questions and demands, and they feel it when we withdraw from them or utter reprimands. They are moved by how we praise their success, but wounded when we put them down for their failures. They are aware of how it feels to be in our presence when we sit in silence with them, and of the energy field of acceptance or rejection they experience around us. Each of these moment-by-moment exchanges transmits either consciousness or unconsciousness. (P. 58)

“Through our children, we get orchestra seats to the complex theatrics of our immaturity, as they evoke powerful emotions in us that can cause us to feel as though we aren't in control-with all the frustration, insecurity, and angst that accompanies this sensation.

Of course, our children don't "make" us feel this way. They merely awaken our unresolved emotional issues from our childhood.

Nevertheless, because our children are vulnerable and mostly power-less, we feel free to blame them for our reactivity. Only by facing up to the fact that it isn't our children who are the problem, but our own unconsciousness, can transformation come about.

How did we become so reactive? Not only do we inherit certain egoic scripts and roles from our family of origin, we also inherit an emotional signature. Beneath every role and script is a unique emotional imprint. This is the case because, as an infant, we are in a state of being, not ego, which means our defenses are unformed and we are susceptible to the emotional energy around us. We energetically interact with our parents' emotional state, absorbing their emotional imprint, until this energy becomes our own emotional stamp. Unless at some point in our life we become conscious of the emotional energy we have absorbed from our parents, we will inevitably transfer this imprint to our own children.

Because we weren't taught by either our parents or society to access our inner stillness and find the roots of our pain and pleasure within ourselves, we are reactive to external circumstances. Since we didn't learn to simply observe our emotions, honor them, sit with them, and grow from them, our response to external stimuli became increasingly emotionally toxic, which is the root of our cyclones of drama.

When we are raised to suppress our darker emotions, these emotions form a shadow from which we are cut off. When emotions are split from our consciousness, they lie dormant, ready to be activated at a moment's notice, which is why so many of us erupt out of the blue. Whenever these emotions are triggered by another's shadow, we find ourselves upset with the person who evoked these emotions in us. Again, let me emphasize that no one could evoke such emotions in us were they not already part of our shadow. Not realizing this, we seek to ease our discomfort at having to confront our shadow by projecting these emotions onto the other. We then see them as the villain in the situation. So afraid are we to face our suppressed emotions that whenever we recognize such emotions in another, we experience hatred, which leads to defiance, victimizing, and in some cases the killing of the individual.” (P. 58-59)

“When people and circumstances press our buttons, we can easily begin to believe that life is against us. We adopt a life script of martyrdom, imagining that life "has it in for us" or is "cheating" us in some way, even though life is simply neutral. We may begin lo believe that life always deals us a cruel hand.

The reality is that there is no enemy "out there." The person who triggers a reaction in us is just being a person, the situation just a situation. We regard them as an enemy only because of our inability to understand and master our internal shadow, which we project onto them.

The more helpful response to being triggered is to recognize your emotional charge as a signal that something is amiss within you. In other words, emotional reactivity is a reason to go inward, focusing on your own growth. Once you realize there are no enemies, only guides to inner growth, all who play a part in your life become mirrors of your forgotten self. Life's challenges then become emotionally regenerative opportunities. When you encounter a roadblock in your life, whether a person or a situation, instead of seeing it as an enemy to be reacted against, you pause and ask yourself, "What do I perceive I'm lacking?" You recognize that the lack you perceive in Your environment arose because of an internal sense of lack.” (P. 60)

“However, the next time your children trigger a mood in you, instead of reacting out of frustration, sit with your reaction to see what the trigger is about. This willingness to look within, which doesn't require introspection into the cause of your mood, just the simple awareness that it comes from within your own self and not from the other person's actions, will enable you to suspend your thoughts long enough to shift out of reactivity and craft a response that's more grounded.” (p. 61)

“To be triggered is to be in resistance to whatever may be happening in our life. By reacting, we are saying, "I don't want this situation;

I don't like the way things are." In other words, when we resist the way life manifests itself in our children, our intimate partner, or our friends, it's because we refuse to accept life's as is form. The reason for this is that the ideal view of ourselves to which we are attached— our ego—is being shaken, which is threatening to us. In this state, we bypass our ability to be resourceful and creative in our response, reacting instead. The manner in which this reaction manifests depends on our unique life scripts, roles, and emotional inheritance.

Consciousness means being awake, truly awake, to everything we are experiencing. It involves being able to respond to the reality in front of us as it unfolds in the moment. This reality may not be what we tell ourselves it ought to be, but it is what it is.

To be in a state of consciousness means we approach reality with the realization that life just is. We make a conscious choice to flow with the current, without any desire to control it or need for it to be any different from what it is. We chant the mantra, "It is what it is." This means we parent our children as our children are, not as we might wish them to be. It requires accepting our children in their as is form.

I mentioned earlier that when we refuse to accept our reality— be it our children for who they are, or our circumstances—we imagine that if we are angry enough, sad enough, happy enough, or domineering enough, things will somehow change. The opposite is the case. Our inability to embrace our reality in its as is form keeps us stuck. For this reason, not resistance but acceptance of our reality is the first step to changing it.” (p. 62)

“Children quite naturally feel all their emotions without blocking them. They spontaneously surrender to pure feeling, then release the emotion as it passes. In this way, their emotions ebb and flow in a wavelike fashion.

We adults are often afraid to surrender to our emotions. We find it difficult to tolerate feelings such as rejection, fear, anxiety, ambivalence, doubt, and sadness. So we run from our feelings either by burying them through avoidance, resisting them, or displacing them onto people and situations outside ourselves through emotional reactivity. Many of us resort to intellectualizing, plastic surgery, fatter bank accounts, or larger social networks as a way of avoiding having o feel. Or we deflect our pain by blaming, being resentful, and expressing anger toward the person we believe caused us pain.

A conscious person is able not just to tolerate their emotions, but to embrace them-and I do mean all of their emotions. When we don't know how to honor our own feelings, we don't honor our children's feelings. To the degree we live in a state of falsehood, our children learn to squelch their feelings and thereby also enter into falsehood. Were we to encourage our children to be real about what they feel in the way children naturally are until we shut them down, they would have no need to deny their emotions and would feel no desire to displace them onto others. For this reason, if we wish to teach our children how to live integrated lives in which they take full responsibility for their actions, we need to honor all their emotions, which means they don't have a need to generate a shadow. In this way they come to appreciate life as a seamless fabric in which every action and relationship is energetically connected.” (P. 64)

“In the case of emotional hurt, we want to rescue them, which is partly driven by our own helplessness at not being able to assuage their pain. We call the principal, yell at a teacher, complain to the parent of the child who dared to hurt them, not realizing that this solidifies their pain. It also fosters an inability to tolerate pain, both their own and that of others.

If we want our children to master their emotions, we have to teach them to surrender to what they are experiencing. This isn’t the same as getting sucked into our emotions or reacting. Surrender means we first accept whatever emotional state we are in. Thus we encourage our children to experience their feelings. We invite them to open a space up to allow the pain already present in them to have a presence in the room.” (P. 66)

“All dysfunction involves our deeply personalized interpretations of the events around us. The sad byproduct of this is that our children are left feeling they are the cause of our moods, which results in guilt and can lead to a sense of worthlessness. From this place, they then react back at us. It's crucial to recognize that the seeds of this equation lie in the initial judgement we make in response to their behavior.” (P. 71)

“When we embrace life itself as a wise guide, we dare to entrust ourselves to it completely, free of evaluation, judgment, or analysis. Leaving behind any feeling that life is somehow a threat to us, we commit ourselves to its flow. When we allow ourselves to really feel each experience as it happens, then—instead of trying to attach ourselves to it— release it into the flow of the next moment, we free up psychic energy that would otherwise be squandered on resistance and reactivity. This energy is then available for us to bring engaged presence to our relationships, especially with our children. As our children also learn to experience their experiences without the need to "do" anything about them necessarily, they ease into life as it is. They see the pleasure in the simplest of experiences and reap the rewards of being fully present in the moment.” (p. 79)

“Living life with awareness means being able to dance the fine line between assuming full ownership over our psychological health and energetic space, while always knowing things happen that may throw us off our center. It's this constant interplay between taking charge and surrendering that defines conscious living. We are aware that traumatic events occur, but we know they don't have to determine our reaction. We are all subject to life's unpredictable and sometimes seemingly cruel nature, but it's our choice whether we live as a victim.

We all want to know why things happen to us, somehow imagining that if we just knew the reason, we would feel more secure. The bitter medicine we all must swallow is that we don't know the "why." We could postulate that events happen due to a confluence of old karma, or we might attribute them to chance. The fact is, things happen, and we may never know the reason—if there even is a reason in many cases.

Though we may not be able to say why things happen, there are aspects we can address that are more personal and, ultimately, more relevant. For instance, we might ask, "How can this circumstance I am now in foster my growth? What am I resisting? What do I need to surrender to in order to grow? What purpose does this upheaval in my life serve for myself and others?" Such questions have the power to transform a "bad" event into a growth-inducing experience, whereby we mine emotional gold from what seems so negative. Just the asking of these types of questions has the potential to shift us from blame to ownership and authorship. Such questions empower us to transcend a sense that life has victimized us.” (p. 85)

“The most valuable lesson you can teach your children is that life is about the unfolding of the conscious self. When you show them that the key to fulfillment lies in embracing the wise situations life places us in, you give them a great gift. With this perspective, they will forever befriend life, knowing that it seeks to be of benign service to them, even when its lessons may seem severe. As they come to see that they can transform each experience into one that increases their self-awareness and promotes their growth, they learn to regard life as their friend, an intimate partner on their journey to self-awareness.” (P. 93)

“To own our capacity for selfishness is particularly crucial during this stage of our child’s development because an infant’s reflection in its parent’s eyes is its only validation of its inner experience. Imagine if the infant is upset, but instead of reflecting back concern, the mother begins to laugh or becomes angry. Such a child experiences severe dissonance, becoming confused. If its parent empathizes with it through their reassuring tone of voice and secure embrace, the infant feels validated in its emotion and will allow itself to be calmed. In this way it learns to be centered.” (P. 99)

“If you fail to embrace the spiritual lessons of the first year of your child’s life, you lose the opportunity to access new parts of yourself. Holding fast to your established ways, you commit only a piece of yourself to this venture. To truly be able to access the jewels of this deeply spiritual stage of your child’s development, you need to take a deep breath and plunge into the ocean. The degree of internal transformation you experience will be directly proportional to how deeply you immerse yourself.” (P. 103)

“When a child begins to understand itself as a separate being with unique desires, it's a revealing moment for both parent and child. A toddler's ability to separate from your secure embrace rests heavily on your ability to release it from your clasp. The manner in which you negotiate the delicate dance between letting go and still being present determines how easily your toddler will be able to define itself as both connected to you and separate from you.” (P. 104)

“The other aspect of social politics is the whole idea of the groupie. In their desire to be part of a clique, our children may sell their soul. So desperate are they for a sense of validation, they will forsake their own truth and begin to imbibe the values of others. As we watch them morph into a member of the "chic squad," trying so desperately to be one of the popular kids in school, we will have to stand quietly in the shadows as they dress, listen to music, and cop an attitude alien to their authentic self.

Our children may come to us filled with demands for the latest gadgets and fashions. They may argue that their friends "all have these things" and that without them they will be ostracized. In our desire to have our children fit in, we may fall prey to their never-ending demands, and in so doing communicate that external factors such as possessions or the opinions of those who are popular have great importance in sustaining a person's sense of self. However, if we can resist our children's urges and teach them instead to rely on their inner sense of worth, not their acquisitions or standing in a social group, they learn not to blindly follow the crowd.“ (p. 112-113)

“However, a difficult teenager doesn’t sprout up overnight; the seeds were being sown all along. At this stage, our children are able to pay heed to their unmet needs. Unfortunately, if they have been starving for authentic parental nurture, chances are they will now go about seeking this in unhealthy ways.

If you were too strict with your children, the teen years are a time when they break free. If you were too permissive when your children were growing up, so that they failed to learn containment, they now go wild. If you were neglectful of your children or absent, they now refuse to connect with you.

Let me reassure you from my experience of working with parents and teens that it's still not too late for healing. It will just be harder to achieve since teens are wary. In such circumstances, parents are asked to endure the pain their teens inflict on them, knowing this is a reflection of the parents' failure over the years to connect with their child as a real person like themselves. The parent has to be willing to admit, "I haven't been there for you, so please teach me what I need to do to repair our relationship." (p. 113-114)

“If there's any age at which the issue of safety is paramount, it's the teen years, which are when children are at greatest risk from peer pressure and the potential of immature acts of self-destructiveness. Nevertheless, we can't jump in and try to control our teens' lives. It we do so, they are resourceful and will find a way to lie to us and do precisely as they wish—and then we are likely to feel helpless and perhaps enraged.

The more intrusive we are, the less our teens will confide in us. During this period of their lives, to trust them is our spiritual discipline.

Once we own the limits of our influence in our children's lives, paradoxically we continue to be hugely influential. Exuding total and unconditional acceptance in our daily presence and conversations with them encourages them to come to us when they need to. Our best chance of keeping them safe and empowered is to validate who they intrinsically are.” (P. 116)

“When parents are so wrapped up in their own pain that they can't respond to their children's needs in the way each child deserves, children grow up feeling not just empty

within but split in pieces. This is because their essential self isn't something that once existed and became lost, but is something that was never developed. Consequently, they forage the Earth looking for a mirror of their true being, seeking anything that holds out the promise of completing them.

Because it's so incredibly hard to create an internal mirror of our true being once the parenting relationship has failed to provide such a mirror, we are likely to feel not only lost, but even severely depressed. This depression tends to manifest itself either as a dark withdrawal or through an addiction of some sort. Because our substance of choice temporarily soothes our heart's pain, we may be seduced into believing it provides us with our lost mirror and feel we are receiving the validation we missed out on long ago.” (P. 125)

“When we grow up feeling we aren't good enough, we displace this feeling of inadequacy onto the world around us. We do this by creating a persona of grandiosity, as Jonathan did, in an effort to overcompensate for not feeling good enough. As a result of this grandiosity, we project an energy that treats others as less than ourselves. We walk with an overbearing sense of entitlement or put on an air of being better than others, when the truth is we suffer from a lack of self-worth.” (p. 128)

“When we are raised by parents who, because of their own unconscious upbringing, make us feel ashamed for expressing who we are, we experience guilt for wanting to be the unique individual we are. If our parents make us feel guilty whenever we stray from the beaten path, we learn not to trust our instinctive response to life, instead experiencing a deep ambivalence toward our life choices.” (P. 133)

“Few of us are blessed to have been raised by parents who are in touch with their inner joy. Those children who are so blessed grow up with a lightness of spirit and an intuitive trust that life is good and wise. They know that life isn't to be feared, but embraced. These children watch their parents harness a connection within themselves that transcends the physical, and in this way learn to harness their own unique connection to their source.” (p. 139)

“More than anything, anxiety tends to surface as a need to control.

When we are unable to be with ourselves just as we are, we forsake a kinship with our own authenticity. In place of authenticity, we either seek to establish some sense of being "in control of ourselves" by bending to the will of another, or we try to feel in control by dominating someone else, especially our children. In an attempt to reduce our anxiety, we are driven to order the circumstances of our life, dictate the outcome of situations, and organize the people among whom we live.” (P. 145)

“Many of us are terrified to sit with ourselves and truly experience our solitude. To come face to face with our total aloneness scares us. This is why we fill our days with projects and gadgets—why we seek endless ways to insert ourselves into our children's lives.

Of course, the root of this fear is our fear of death. This is a reality we are unprepared to accept, which is why we live our life pretending death will evade us. Until we come to terms with our mortality, we clutter our life with noise and drama, which heighten our sense of being "alive." We control our children, fight with our spouse, and create unpleasant situations in our place of work for the same reason. Through the throb of activity, we assure ourselves we are "alive." Without all of this activity, we would be terrified that we would not only have nothing, but be nothing. Entering the void is our greatest fear.” (P. 147)

“This inner stillness manifests as presence, and presence is the core characteristic of the awakened, receptive, accepting spirit of a conscious parent.

As parents, unless we learn to live from being rather than doing, listening to our inner voice instead of being driven by external factors, the parent-child journey will be fueled by anxiety and drama.

When we shift from egoic doing to authentic being, our worldview changes. We find ourselves no longer focusing on need, but on service; no longer feeling internal lack, but experiencing abundance; no longer feeling stuck, but flowing; no longer locked into the past, but present now.” (P. 150)

“We all want our children to be special because this makes us feel special. But at what cost to our children?

So anxious are some of us to raise the next Einstein, Michael Phelps, or Julia Roberts that we push our children to excel at some activity or other. We want them to be not just good at some-thing, but great at something. We all know the surge of pride we feel when we announce to the world that our child is an "A" student, a star swimmer, a prized actor, a brilliant tennis player, or has been "accepted to Harvard." Especially when they are young, our children are attuned to this and push themselves to quench our ego's thirst.” (P. 155)

“Television and computers often serve not only as a band aid whenever children feel bored or upset, but as a replacement for relation-ships. Used in this way, they rob our children of the opportunity to learn how to sit with their emotions and navigate their feelings themselves. As the child becomes buried in the noise of the program or game, its emotions are blunted. Television or the computer soon become an obsession, so that our children want them to be on at all times, in their numbness feeling strangely comforted by the presence of a screen.

Another step we can take is to exchange purchases for experiences. Instead of buying a gadget, we take our children to the zoo.

Instead of buying a video game, we accompany them on a bicycle ride. Rather than buying them a fancy car on their eighteenth birth-day, we send them on a trip to a Third World country, where they have to earn the money for a car.

Our children first and foremost need us to give them our attention, not our money. The gift of our attention is so much more valuable than anything money can buy. If from a young age our children are taught to value our relationship with them over the things we buy them, we set the stage for a reliance on their inner being rather than externals.

A human will always choose relationships over gadgets or other possessions, provided we haven't corrupted their natural instinct.” (P. 163)

“Your children are well on their way to consciousness when they realize that to simply be with themselves and with you, connected at a deep level-human being to human being, without interference from outside distractions—is the source of fulfillment. Mastering the art of simple living in this way, they grow up to appreciate all that life has to offer. Appreciating life for what it already is, not for what they imagine it ought to be, the ordinary in themselves, others, and life itself takes on a magnificence of its own.” (p. 166)

“Children come to us full of the what is, not what isn't. When we see our own reality for all it isn't, we teach our children to operate from lack. When we see our children for all they are yet to become, barely recognizing all they already are, we teach them they are incomplete. For our children to see a look of disappointment in our eyes sows in them seeds of anxiety, self-doubt, hesitation, and inauthenticity. They then begin to believe they should be more beautiful, competent, smart, or talented. In this way, we strip them of their enthusiasm for expressing themselves as they are right now.” (P. 167)

“In other words, your duty as a parent is to mirror your children's inherent wholeness, out of which they will manifest who they are becoming. By mirroring their wholeness, you help them realize that who they are here and now is already their greatest achievement.” (P. 168)

“If we are preoccupied with becoming a "success," the state of our finances, and our achievements, we automatically communicate this stressful, anxious way of approaching life to our children. We push them as if they were extensions of our own desperate ego, all the while telling ourselves we are pushing them "for their own good," so they will have a better future.” (p. 168)

“Never having learned to sit in stillness and appreciate their intrinsic being, the children of parents with great expectations of their offspring are desperate for a sense of value. These are the parents who have prestigious college applications in their drawer before their child turns seven, pushing their children in a predetermined direction without listening to whether this is truly their child's destiny.

When activities oriented toward getting into a top school become the focus of our children's day, they don't have the luxury of allowing their essence to develop. Floundering internally, they determine their worth according to the yardstick of accomplishment. If their ability to accomplish fails to hold up, they are likely to question their value, their talent, and their purpose.

Especially in their early years, our children need the space to delve into their natural inclinations and practice expressing what they find there. Our task is to respond with delight, conveying through our eyes and our smile that they are most adored when they are in the act of being.

Whenever you feel the need for your children to excel by engaging in an overload of activities, you might ask yourself whether your motivation is truly to enable them to become who they authentically are, or whether you have a need to bask in their glory. If your child doesn't perform to perfection, does it trigger in you a sense of your own inadequacy? If it does, masking this feeling by appearing to be a dedicated parent can never address your sense of lack. The consequence is that your children grow up to orient their worth around external barometers such as grades, their appearance, their peer group, possessions, career, wealth, or a spouse.” (p. 169)

“When we enroll our children in a class or see their report card, we have to remember that it's through how we respond in our body language, voice, and signs of pleasure or displeasure that we communicate what we expect from them. Is our purpose to communicate - that only high grades evoke a positive response from us, whereas poor grades don't? Do we communicate that getting an A or coming first in something is the measure of their worth?

When I was twelve years old, I earned A's in every subject.

Excited by my report card, I flew into the house and straight into my mother's arms. With her typical exuberance, my mother danced with me, matching my happiness with hers. I imagined my father would also dance, shout, and jump up and down with glee. Instead he smiled and said, "The A's are fine, but what's more important is that you feel you learned the best way you could."

My jaw dropped, my shoulders drooped, and my mother grumbled at him, "Why can't you just say you are excited and show her how happy you are?" I couldn't understand why my father had to be such a spirit-dampener.

It was only when I was in my late teens that I realized what my father was saying. You see, this was always his response, regardless of my grade. Even when I got a C, he would say, "The C is fine, but what is more important is that you feel you learned the best way you could." Of course, when my grade was a C, his even-tempered response came as a relief! In the most subtle of manners, he was teaching me not to attach myself to the A or the C, but to focus instead on the process of learning.” (p. 177)

“Our children sense when we are either connected to or disconnected from our stream of purposeful living. When we are connected to a constant flow of fulfillment of our own, we radiate this energy, which serves to ensure our children won't be used to fill an inner void or in some way complete us. Through osmosis, they then begin to inherit a way of being that's similar to our own. They soak in our presence and imitate our ability to relate to ourselves and our life. In this way, simply by embodying our essence in our daily interactions, we help our children find their way back to a sense of fullness, which enables them to identify the abundance in every situation.” (P. 180)

“Creating a daily or weekly ritual at the dining table, in which each person has the chance to express something they are thankful for, helps our children develop reflective skills, which in turn enables them to extract beauty from life. At the same time, such a practice reminds them that even as life gives to them, they too must give to life. Indeed, it teaches children to give back not only in a physical form but also in an emotional and energetic form.” (p. 188)

“Many of us mistake the business of parenting— the cooking, homework, dropping off and picking up—with being

"present" for our children. Though we may be present for their material, physical, and even intellectual needs, this doesn't mean we are present for their emotional and spiritual needs.

Meeting our children's need for connection requires a particular set of skills. It means we listen to our children, truly hearing what they are saying, without feeling we have to fix, correct, or lecture. To achieve this, we have to observe their body, including their gestures, affect, and energy. These we allow to soak in with awakened receptivity.

Many of us have great trouble bringing our presence to our children. Without our realizing, we generally ask that our children relate to us and our state of being. Though we imagine we are engaging with our children, we are really forcing them to engage with us. To identify the way we subtly shift the energy to ourselves, instead of bringing our energy to our children, has the power to change a child's life. (P. 193)

“When you engage your children at their level, words often aren't even necessary, since they can detract from the emotional connection children have with their experience. Instead, your tuned-in presence is all that's needed. Engaged presence involves simply being a witness to your children's experiences, allowing them to sit in what they are feeling without any insinuation that they need to move beyond this state.

Rather than "psychologizing" your children, simply allow. To allow and witness will enable your children to learn the art of self- - reflection instead of fostering dependence on you.” (p. 196)

“Each of us has witnessed our child's delight when they hit on an answer mom and dad hadn't thought of. This nurtures the seeds of initiative and resourcefulness. The smallest, "I don't know, but let's find out together," has the power to evoke the most profound of life qualities. It begins with our willingness as parents to step off our pedestal of "knowing" and enter into not knowing.

Here are some ways to enter into the state of not knowing:

When our child asks a question, we don't jump in with an opinion or answer, but simply sit in the space this creates.

Even when we know the answer, we say, "Let's discover the answer together"

We tell our child, "You think about it, and tell me what you find"

We demonstrate that we simply can't know everything, and that we are comfortable with not knowing.

We teach our child there's power in being able to ask the question, even more than in being able to answer it. This shifts their orientation from outcome-based to process-based.

When we teach our child to value their ability to ask the question, we teach them to connect with the wonder of imagining.

…

Rather than focusing on the answer, when you teach your children to enjoy the question, you demonstrate a love of learning and an insatiable curiosity about life. You also teach them that reality is inherently unquantifiable, unknowable, and can't be pigeonholed.

They learn it's okay not to have the answers and that they can still feel competent when they don't.“ (p. 202-203)

“If our children turn their sense of helplessness inward, they are likely to retreat into a shell, internalizing the belief that they are

"bad." If they turn their sense of helplessness outward, they may seek to do to others what has been done to them, which is how a bully is created. A bully is a person who has grown up feeling such disempowerment that to hold it within is unbearable, which causes them to humiliate the recipient of their bullying, making this individual feel powerless in the way they themselves have been made to feel powerless. The reason children bully is only ever that they are filled with pain themselves. When bullying escalates into violence, it's because the individual has internalized such an intense feeling of humiliation that their only recourse for relief is to unleash their pain on others. Cut off from their authentic goodness, such individuals attack the goodness in others.” (p. 207)

“Before we can help our children uncover what led to the mistake, they need to be allowed to put a little distance between themselves and their mistakes. The conscious approach is to wait until all emotional reactivity has died down and everyone is in their right mind, then sit with our children compassionately, process their mistake with them entirely free of judgment, and show them how they can extract a lesson for the future.” (p. 209)

“When an issue isn't a matter of life or death and yet we insist on our way of doing things, we may imagine we are teaching our children respect for rules, whereas in reality we are teaching them to be like us— rigid and unyielding. This is why conflict continues relentlessly. Our children soon turn a deaf ear because they know we want things done our way regardless of their wishes. This is how stealing, sneak-ing, and lying begin.” (P. 226)

“When children become excessively clingy, defiant, begin to steal, cut themselves, stop bathing, or fail at school, these are all signs that something is amiss with their emotions. Often a child's emotional state manifests in symptoms associated with the body, such as migraines, stomachache, or panic attacks. This happens when children have become so split off from their real feelings that they have overloaded their body with unexpressed emotion. They may have become so overwhelmed in the role of pleasers or overachievers— or, in contrast, as rebels and "bad children" —that they finally collapse, with their body bearing the brunt of the collapse.

As parents, we tend to react anxiously when faced with this secondary means of attention-seeking. For example, if our child begins to fail in school, we become angry and controlling. If our child is experiencing an inordinate number of physical problems, we take them to see specialist after specialist. With physical symptoms, the situation is particularly tricky because there's always the possibility that such symptoms have a physical cause. The difficulty is that we may inadvertently reinforce our children's belief that something is wrong with their body, instead of tapping into the underlying emotional issue. This is why it's so important for us to carve out the space for our children to express who they are on an emotional basis.” (P. 230)

“If your child acts out as a form of outright defiance, or if they are acting out on a regular basis, you need to accept accountability for your role in the perpetuation of their behavior. Children are defiant because they are accustomed to getting away with it. True, some children are temperamentally more willful, but it's through their relationship with us that they have transformed this willfulness into defiance. Unless you realize this, you will begin to believe that your child is "bad." (p. 234)

“When we aren't conscious of our own feelings, we blame our children for "making us" feel a particular way, which triggers in them the feelings we are carrying within us. To the degree we unleash our anxiety on them, they will carry our unprocessed emotions within their body, which means they too will act from an uncentered state. Their state then catapults us into an escalated reaction—and so the cycle of pain continues down through the generations.” (p. 240)

Overview:

I highly recommend reading this one. It has been a few years for me and I am ready to read it again. I do not even know where to begin… With each page there is something expansive to digest. There is so many great points to touch upon, so I will try to keep it as brief as possible, and if this resonates with you, pickup a copy for yourself. It really was the book that sparked my spiritual awakening into a much higher level. Reading it does something special to your consciousness. At first, a lot of it, especially in the second half when discussing the higher levels of consciousness, went over my head… but reading the book upgraded me and as things shifted in my life I began to understand it more and more. Interestingly enough, this is the claim that most of the David Hawkins books make (which I did not know about until I experienced it myself…so there was no placebo). The claim is that reading it raises your level of consciousness. From what I know, his scale of consciousness is present in all of his books, and there is a lot of overlap, so I am hesitant to go down the rabbit hole and read all of his books. I watched a video summary of one of his books “Letting Go,” and it sounded very similar.  

This book has a clinical section for each level as well as a brief section on how to transcend into the next level. He does a great explanation of each level and the common human characteristics we tend to experience when at any given level (prepare to be called out on your stuff). Perhaps him just providing that information is enough to help people move on up the scale, as it unfolded with me. I would assume that if you are the type of person to make it through an entire book such as this, you are likely also committed to your personal and spiritual growth to the extent that you are engage with it in several other aspects of your life on a regular basis, so the combination of that and this text will likely level you up as well.  

The Map of Consciousness that he created provides an excellent framework into the understanding of the human mind and behavior. This is informative within any therapeutic process and very handy to have on anyone’s personal journey toward enlightenment. Note that the journey is not about transcending any given level “once and for all.” We ascend and descend. At times, it is necessary to revisit the lower levels, or we may be triggered back into them. Furthermore, we do not achieve enlightenment and just remain enlightened forever. Enlightenment is a state beyond ego in which we are not even functional as a human being. If we are lucky, we get to visit that state in our lifetime, integrate it, and return to be the best human we can be while on this earth.

David Hawkins is a big proponent of Applied Kinesiology Muscle Testing. This is how he formulated his Map of Consciousness. It was not created purely from his ego, but by receiving guidance directly from Consciousness. To simplify this to those unfamiliar: Consciousness knows how to differentiate truth vs. falsehood. If we can drop out of Ego and open ourselves up to receive the truth, even if it is not what we think it is, we can get the answers. Your muscles will strengthen when truth is stated, and weaken when falsehood is stated, as consciousness is responding with the answers. There are several different ways to do this, which can be found online in videos and in some other texts. Note, that this does not work if your consciousness is currently operating below level 200 (out of 1000) as these lower frequencies will be negatively impacting the result. For example, if you are experiencing some greed or hatred, your desire for a specific result will influence your muscles to respond in the way that your Ego currently wants it to.  

The Map of the Scale of Consciousness goes from 0-1,000. The lowest levels represent our lowest way of being and at the very top we have enlightenment. The scale goes as follows:

0-20: Shame

30: Guilt

50: Apathy, Hatred

75: Grief

100: Fear

125: Desire

150: Anger

175: Pride

Then, we arrive at a key turning point when we hit 200, the traits become more positive and are vibrating at levels of truth, rather than falsehood. Therefore, to accurately be able to muscle test, we must currently be operating at or above level 200.

200: Courage

250: Neutrality

310: Willingness

350: Acceptance

400: Reason

500: Love

540: Joy

600: Peace

700-1000: Enlightenment

I will share some parts I highlighted during my first reading. As I go through it again I will add another section for things that struck me during my second reading, as I am sure there will be many as it is now years later and I have new awareness and understanding to be able to really absorb this material. When I first read it, I was operating mostly from lower levels. Since I have read it, I have had a few experiences with the non-dual state (enlightened state, Samadhi, etc.), so it will be interesting to see how I interpret things the second read-through.  I may do a more full breakdown of the book at some point, though I recommend just having it on hand. If you notice you are operating at the level of anger lately for example, it is good to open up to that chapter for insight and guidance. 

First read-through highlights:

“The ego is envious of that which it intuits as being superior to its limitations and thus readily hates and denounces what it cannot understand. It has a vested interest in making wrong or denigrating what it cannot comprehend. Thus, the skeptic subtly hates spiritual truth or higher consciousness and its values (love, truth, Divinity, beauty). Hatred for purity or aesthetics is expressed by obscenity and gross vulgarity, as well as by desecration (destroy the Pieta, defile femininity, insult erudition, defame integrity, etc.).

Much purported criticism (masquerading as 'free speech') is thinly-disguised, envious hatred accompanied by rationalized justification in order to diminish guilt. Ideological hatred fuels public debate on almost every topic or issue in current society, from which the ego derives what it perceives as gain in the form of attention. Hatred often takes the form of projecting guilt via blame.” (p. 61)

“Self-honesty requires courage, humility, patience, and compassion for the immature aspects of the con-science, which, after all, arose originally as a product of childhood. Therefore, it has a tendency toward exaggeration, or alternately, to being dismissed if it stands in the way of impulsiveness. The task is to honestly acknowledge inner defects or faults of character without triggering guilt attacks of self-hatred, anger, or resentment of self or others. The ego/mind is a learned set of behaviors, and the ultimate goal is to transcend its programming and functioning by virtue of the power of the Radiance of the Self, which re-contextualizes life benignly.The Presence of the Self is experienced as compassion for all of life in all its expressions, including its evolution as one's personal self. As a consequence, forgiveness replaces condemnation, which is a sign that it is now safe to proceed deeper into serious inner inventory without undue stress.” (P. 71)

“Hopelessness leads to further decline, which is then used as a face-saving rationalization. The core is that responsibility is rejected and replaced by a chronic victim mentality that seeks to avoid the real issues by projecting the supposed source to the external world, which is then comfortably blamed as being the

'Cause'. The dualistic split of victim/perpetrator is further reinforced by current 'post-modern', relativistic social theories that perpetuate the illusion.” (P. 79)

“Shame, apathy, and guilt are all forms of aggression against the self by attack with self-hatred, accusation, and negative judgmentalism. The alternate sides of these mechanisms are used in the defensive maneuver of projected, externalized hate and blame. Apathy is also a form of resistance to the maturation process and is a way of negation and refusal, i.e., concealed stub-bornness. With these mechanisms, personal responsibility is again denied, and otherwise seemingly normal individuals may periodically alternate with extreme aggression toward others. When the worm of self-hatred turns from attacking the self and is directed externally, it expresses as vituperation, malice, malevolence, slander, and even public vilifications that can be extreme.” (P. 84)

“It is well to know that spiritual research indicates that all suffering and emotional pain result from resistance. Its cure is via surrender and acceptance, which relieve the pain.” (P. 96)

“Attachment is the process whereby the suffering of loss occurs, irrespective of what the attachment is to or about, whether internal or external, whether object, relationship, social quality, or aspects of physical life.The ego perpetuates itself by its elaborate network of values, belief systems, and programs. Needs thus arise that gain more energy as they become embellished and elaborated, sometimes to the point of fixation. The source of pain is not the belief system itself but one's attachment to it and the inflation of its imaginary value.The inner processing of attachments is dependent on the exercise of the will, which alone has the power to undo the mechanism of attachment by the process of surrender. This may be subjectively experienced or contextualized as sacrifice, although it is actually a liberation. The emotional pain of loss arises from the attachment itself and not from the 'what' that has been lost.” (P. 98)

“Desire has to do with acquisition and accumulation, which is often insatiable because it is an ongoing energy field, satisfaction of one desire is merely replaced by the unsatisfied desire for something more, e.g., multimillionaires often remain obsessed with acquiring more and more money.” (P. 121)

“The narcissistic ego is competitive and prone to feel slighted and insulted with even minimal provocation, as the core of the ego sees itself as sovereignty that expects priority and agreement or compliance with its expectations, as well as satisfaction of its wants or proclivities.” (P. 138)

“The spiritually wise reject the temptation of ego inflation of flattery, titles, worldly success, pomp, wealth, worldly power, and other temptations of illusion. Lastly, there is the paradoxical, concealed temptation of pride in one's humility, i.e., the so-called spiritual ego, where even piety or humility can be a display.” (P. 160)

“The benefit of accepting one’s defects instead of denying them is an increase in an inner sense of self-honesty, security, and higher self-esteem, accompanied by greatly diminished defensiveness and neurotic 'sensitivity to perceived slights'. A self-honest person is not prone to having their feelings hurt or 'having a bone to pick' with others. Honest insight has an immediate benefit in the reduction of actual as well as potential emotional pain. A person is vulnerable to emotional pain in exact relationship to the degree of self-awareness and self-acceptance. When people admit their downside, others cannot attack them there. As a consequence, one feels emotionally less vulnerable and more safe and secure.” (P. 177-178)

“The critical key to moving into the strength of courage is the acceptance of personal responsibility and accountability. This major move requires relinquishment of a victim/perpetrator dualistic fallacy that socially undermines integrity via blame and excuses based on dualistic, moral, and social relativistic fallacies and theories by which an external 'cause' or social condition replaces integrous personal autonomy and self-honesty. Thus, courage also includes rising above • identification with the rationalizations that characterize social belier systems that calibrate below 200 and are based on presumptions of blame and excuses.” (P. 191)

“The social expressions of this level of consciousness are those of easygoing coexistence. Neutrality is not interested in conflict or participation in revolutionary movements, protests, or conflict. This may be misperceived as passivity, whereas, in actuality, it is stability that neither promotes nor resists change. The equanimity of Neutrality thus offers a counterbalance to the excesses of social change and a refuge from emotionality that allows for reflection and calm evaluation.” (P. 200)

“Spiritual dedication and effort bring unanticipated rewards that confirm the validity of the commitment.” (P. 206)

“At lower levels of consciousness, what is perceived as love is conditional and identified with possession, passion, romance, and desire, which are projected onto people or objects to give them an exciting specialness and glamour that tend to fade after the prized object or relationship is obtained. As the excitement of acquisition fades, so does the allure of the exaggerated desirability.” (P. 249)

“Technically, the enlightened states emerge at consciousness level 600, which is that of Infinite Peace and Bliss illuminated by the Light of the Radiant Self.

The emergence of God Immanent as Self frequently precludes continuation of ordinary human activities and results in withdrawal from the world or may even result in physically departing from it, an option that is taken by fifty percent of those who reach it. The state of Bliss is total and characterized by the disappearance of all wants, needs, desires, or aversions, including that of physicality.” (P. 273)

*A warning to anyone on the spiritual path*

“The Spiritual Ego

Devotion and dedication sometimes lead to what is best termed 'over ambition', overzealousness, or even fanaticism, which represent imbalance.A frequent error is to try to force the rise of the kundalini energy by artificial exercises and practices. The kundalini automatically rises to its own appropriate level in accord with the energy field of the prevailing level of consciousness. This occurs as a consequence of what one has 'become' and 'is'. To force the spiritual energy by manipulative means can result in serious disorders, imbalances, and even irrational mental states of confusion or delusion. This may result in grandiose states and self-claims to be a 'prophet', or even 'Jesus Christ' or a 'messiah'. (These were observed during the author's years as a consultant to many religious and spiritual groups.)

Some spiritual practices may also lead to altered states of consciousness or auto suggestive states that are misidentified as spiritual. While mantras and certain repetitious practices have some value, depending on the calibrated level of their truth as well as the intention behind them, they can also become a substitute for the progressive realizations that underlie and substantiate true spiritual advance. The true state is reflect ed in what one has become rather than what one believes or does. Thus, occult practices or magical manipulations and gymnastics are better bypassed in favor of true, substantial spiritual growth. Progress is facilitated by the willingness to surrender ambition to God. Error can be precluded by being alert to the ego's desire to survive by taking over the spiritual process.

The Lure of the Siddhis

There are many supposedly 'spiritual' techniques and systems that are merchandised and promoted, complete with testimonials and celebrities. The overt commercialization reveals the overall intention, which is to profit rather than promote the actual spiritual evolution of the naive seeker. While some of the techniques certainly have value, they can be obtained free of charge from any integrous textbook on spirituality.

Of equal danger are the seduction and proselytization of a variety of cults that are based on glamorization of leaders, control of followers, well-known brainwashing techniques, financial and sexual expectations, and control over personal lives. All of these calibrate extremely low. There is considerable information available about them under 'cults'. These organizations also specialize in the techniques of entrapment, seduction, special ness, and the exploitation of innocence and naiveté.

The spiritual ego sees progress as gain or status rather than as a gift and, therefore, responsibility. It will even parade pseudo-humility and over-piety and can become quite sanctimonious. It is also impressed by rank, title, and the adulation of large numbers of followers, as well as by pompous display, theatrics, and the manipulation of paranormal phenomena. The peddling of paranormal phenomena is a serious warning as the appeal is obviously to the ego, which is easily glamorized by parapsychological events (teleportation, telekinesis, distant viewing, bilocation, levitation, materialization of objects, astral projection, and more, including even the Doppelganger phenomenon (doubling).

To desire a siddhi for its own sake is a warning that the spiritual ego is seeking specialness. The real phenomena are unintended, non volitional, spontaneous, and autonomously emergent. They are very definitely not the consequence of techniques, nor can they be learned or taught, much less for a price.

Artful gymnastics that are taught for a fee calibrate below 200. To begin with, the intention is non-integrous, although frequently due to naïveté. Learning a water-into-wine trick does not turn one into a Jesus Christ. These imitations have flourished for centuries in India and have re-emerged as commercialized ventures in the Western world. They are to be avoided by any spiritual aspirant who is devoted to reaching Enlightenment. 'Caveat emptor' applies to a serious degree. The siddhis are a gift of God; they are not a commercial, artificially acquired skill. Therefore, they definitely are not the consequence of a training or a practice.” (P. 319-322)

Second read-through highlights:

Coming soon…

A classic regarding “masculinity.” A word often paired with “toxic” in attempts to look down on men and destroy the modern patriarchy. The masculine does not derail a society with unhealthy ruling and direction. Quite the opposite in fact. The issues our society faces might be more justified in saying they are caused my the “immature masculine.” If we were led by the “mature masculine,” we would be experiencing something different entirely. Unfortunately, those typically are not the types of masculine that decide to try and put themselves into positions of power. 

This book breaks the masculine down into several different archetypes. The immature masculine is discussed in “Boy Psychology,” with each archetype ultimately transforming into a different archetype in the mature masculine in “Man Psychology.” Each archetype needs the other to help balance out the traits and overall way of being. 

Part of why most men never learn to embody the mature archetypes, is that most modern cultures no longer participate in any sort of ritual to facilitate this transition into manhood. 

There is a breakdown of this book and the archetypes already made, which I will link to here instead of writing out myself: https://auresnotes.com/king-warrior-magician-lover-summary-robert-moore-douglas-gillette/

This has been one of my favorite psychedelic reads for a couple reasons. I love how James Oroc can explain the non-dual experience from a quantum physics perspective. The ability to speak from various knowledge bases such as this, allows us to connect with more people about the most profound experience there is. We no longer exclude the atheists from spirituality. We identify how the experience is accessible to them in language they can get on board with because it has a more scientific approach… yet we are still experiencing the same thing whether you are atheist, religious, spiritual, etc. In this book, he is mainly referring to achieving this state (Samadhi, Nirvana, Non-Duality, Etc.) via the use of the most potent entheogenic/psychedelic on the planet: 5-MeO-DMT. In its natural form, it is often referred to as “Bufo,” Which is a venom from a gland in the Bufo Alvarius Toad.  

James Oroc condenses down knowledge of quantum physics and other sciences related to this spiritual state from all perspectives, which he obtained from the hundreds of books he has read on these topics. He saves us time from having to read all that, and shares plenty of quotes and examples. Before he became more academically minded on the subject, he was a wild-man…which is the other reason I love this book. He takes you along the ride of the story of his life which included much over-the-top, and perhaps what many would say irresponsible psychedelic use, without respect to set and setting, dosing or frequency. Learn from his mistakes! It is important to not be influenced by the journeys of such characters even if it seems romanticized. If he had not changed course to deepen his understanding, I would not have been able to take this book seriously by the end. It is a fun journey from start to finish. This is not a beginner friendly book, and much of it will go over the heads of those inexperienced with the cathartic, ego-less, non-dual state. To have this state be described by someone who knows it inside and out, and then explained in a scientific manner blew my mind. It can be a little much to take in so I will just share two examples:

Highlighted Examples:

“In the seventies, German physicist Fritz-Albert Popp discovered an extraordinary thing: all life-forms emit a weak light. There is some evidence that the source of this light, which Popp called biophoton emission, may be generated from the DNA in all living cells. Popp believes that this light exhibits the highest level of order, quantum coherence, which allows subatomic particles to cooperate and communicate with each other. By resonating in harmony through their shared electromagnetic waves, they begin acting like a single larger wave and a single larger subatomic particle. The greater the coherence, the greater the communication between the individual particles, which virtually cease to be individual particles at all, since they are now all in synch with each other.” (P. 169) 

“This model for consciousness, and the concept of resonant coherence, opens up an interesting possibility: that smoking 5-MeO-DMT (or DMT) briefly increases the coherence in the brain's Bose-Einstein condensate, causing all the neurons in the brain to fire simultaneously, which in turn "lifts the veil" from this reality by increasing the brain's resonant coherence with the Bose-Einstein condensate of the zero-point field. Then it is possible to experience the ground state of the zero-point field as a conscious entity of pure light; if consciousness is truly a bosonic phenomenon, then it is essentially light and it would resonate with the zero-point field as light.

We are like a radio tuned in to the zero-point field, resonating with the vacuum energy. Every atom in our body is quivering with that energy and literally bringing that energy across, as light, into material existence, very much like the ancient Egyptians postulated. This is the light I believe I encounter during a 5-MeO-DMT experience: a highly coherent light emitted via the neurons in my brain and my DNA, which originates from the other side, from the quantum vacuum, the void. It is the light of both creation and consciousness—a pure stream of coherent photons in resonant harmony with the emptiness of the "vacuum energy" of the zero-point field.

I believe this is the Tibetan light of Rigpa, "the true nature of mind that manifests spontaneously and blazes out as energy and light,"'3 and the same tunnel of light that people report from near-death experiences. This is the ultimate light, the light of creation, of mysticism, of religion, of information. As my consciousness leaves the confines of the physical world during a SMDE and resonates in reunion with its original source, I briefly cease to exist except as that light. In that moment—-in the classical mystical sense— the light and I are one.” (p. 175) 

(Continued...)

“Human consciousness is a bosonic coherence phenomenon: a complex interaction between the matter (fermions) in our brains and the waves (bosons) of the zero-point field, caused by an extreme form of neuron coherence called a "Bose-Einstein condensate." Time and space as we experience them are phenomena created by this essential wave/particle interaction.

Another (less scientific) name for the Bose-Einstein condensate within

living beings could be the soul.

Mass and matter-the quantities by which we claim to define our physical reality—are caused by the "slowing down" of light, caused by inertia as it is "pushed" through the super dense medium of the zero-point field, and the stability of our physical universe is maintained and informed by the constant interaction of virtual particles (photons of light) from this same zero-point field. The zero-point field, this "quantum vacuum that is a plenum" that has been identified by mystics throughout the ages, and is now being rediscovered by our physicists and cosmologists, is the true underlying reality of our universe. The Akashic Record and the aether field, concepts that were intuited centuries ago and then dispelled by a wave of scientific determinism, are now being rediscovered.

The zero-point field is capable of containing all knowledge and information provided by the Bose-Einstein condensates of every entity and every particle throughout eternity; thus the function of our individual existences in this universe) is to add to the collective in-formation of the zero-point field by way of our own temporal experience. Within the zero-point field there is a Bose-Einstein condensate that is identical (in its physics) to the Bose-Einstein condensate in our brain. This mirrors both the Hindu realization of atman-Brahman and the classical Hermetic intuition "As above, so below." Another (less scientific) name for the Bose-Einstein condensate of the zero-point field could be the Mind of G/d. Smoking the correct dose of 5-MeO-DMT affects the coherence of the neurons in the brain, thus increasing the coherence of the Bose-Einstein condensate of our brain (our soul or consciousness so that it achieves greater coherence with the Bose-Einstein condensate of the zero-point field (the mind of G/d). This allows a temporary "escape" from the dimension of matter, into a transpersonal, egoless mode of quantum consciousness that is a resonant glimpse of the coherent conscious existence of the Akashic Field itself. As consciousness of pure light, the smoker exists in a dimension of pure in-formation, where time and space no longer apply.” (P. 196-197)

Overview:

This is certainly not a “clinical” or predominantly evidence based text, though there is some science to various claims within the book. This and other titles by the author might be the type of book you find at your local crystal shop, so you are welcome to believe in what you want and choose what you take with a grain of salt. Either way, a lot of this is helpful to folks. Why did I read it? Energetic boundaries is something I felt I was really starting to struggle with as a therapist, literally feeling I was holding the energies of some of my clients and having a hard time releasing it. I felt I became like a sponge for absorbing these energies. I was too porous and vulnerable and this began to take a toll on me. I knew this was happening, and I began to discuss it with others who were aware of how this can happen. I was hoping for some sort of spiritual protection techniques, which some folks guided me toward using, and this book has some of that to offer as well. To be honest, I am not sure how much all of that really helps in comparison to progressing on your personal healing and transformation journey in order to solidify your boundaries. Any amount of visualizing creating energetic barriers, using colors, crystals, prayers, etc… could just be all ego. These techniques may work at times, and the placebo effect may or may not play a role in that. Nevertheless, there is a reason you have become porous and are too open. It is time to truly discover that if you are struggling with this. There are some things in this book that may help, and I will share some cool points below, though ultimately, boundaries are something that will improve with therapy, healing, and a deep connection to source.  

Highlights:

“The most well-known field is the auric field. Many believe that our auric field is the same as our electromagnetic field, a continually emerging and fluctuating field of energy produced by the electrical currents in our bodies. Every cell in our body pulses with electricity. Electricity produces magnetism, which means that every cell and organ, as well as the entirety of your body, generates energy fields. Kirlian photography, a scientific tool in use since the 1930s, employs a special type of film to illuminate the life energy, or auric field, around plants, animals, and people (see Figure A on page 8). Kirlian images reveal that all living beings emanate a set of electromagnetic fields.

These fields are interactive; they both take in and emit energy. That's why you can sense people, or even get a read on their personalities, when they walk into your space. Our energetic fields respond to trauma and healing energies. They also react to emotions and love; when two people interrelate, their energy fields blur and merge. Science can locate the heart field from at least four to six feet away from the body, which means we're able to exchange energy with others near us, but we can also swap energy with people hundreds of miles away. As quantum physics is proving, once two particles or people have met, they remain connected forever. That's how you know what's happening to your best friend who you haven't talked with for months or how you sense the exact moment a faraway loved one dies.” (p. 7)

“Bottom line, hurtful forces are actual energies that can produce physical effects, and they can remain stuck in our energetic boundaries forever-or at least, until they are gently removed through therapeutic and energetic means. The gap they create in the physical energetic boundary can't help but invite the same treatment that we experienced during the initial abuse.” (p. 24)

“Our relational boundaries are able to protect and alert us through one particular bodily organ and its emanating fields: the heart. This, the most electrical and magnetic organ in your body, is the key to establishing the energetic borders you need to ensure that you have supportive relationships and to save you from disasters.

The power of the heart is well documented. Its magnetic component generates a field that is 5,000 times greater than the magnetic field produced by your brain, while its electrical field is sixty times greater than that of your brain. The heart's magnetic field can be measured from several feet away from your body. This small, fist-size organ is highly affected by different emotions and relationships, and the most positive relationships produce measurable and healthy results in every area of your body and mind. Furthermore, the heart's electromagnetic field, which we'll call your relationship field, interacts with the heart fields of other people, transferring feelings and even synchronizing heartbeats, even if those other people are not present.

The Institute of HeartMath has proven the electromagnetic field generated by the heart permeates every cell of the body, actually synchronizing every cell to each other. The rhythm of your heart, in fact, creates "fields within fields" that are so intense that they can alter the cells and DNA of a baby inside its mother's womb.” (P. 35-36)

“To forgive others doesn't mean approving abuse. Instead, it means giving them back their energy, so they can deal with it and we no longer have to. There's a gift in every situation, every energy, good and bad. It's not for us to hold onto another's energy, even if it is dark and negative, for then that person can't open the gift contained within it.

I always return others' energies to their higher selves or pass it to the Divine to hand back, instead of directly sending it back to the others.

I learned this lesson the hard way. I once had a client who had been suicidal for decades. We determined that her father's death wish had entered into her own system through her physical energetic field. We returned this wish to her father energetically, and he committed suicide the next day.” (p. 130)

“If healing is available through our relational field, why do so many of us experience illness? The reason is that most of us have been injured, usually during childhood, and our wounded inner children hold onto relational boundaries that seem protective, but aren't. The child within thinks he or she will survive only by sticking with known patterns, by giving away energy, by taking on others' energies, or by linking with negative spirits. She or he is convinced that safety lies in erasing boundaries, being codependent, or becoming too unified with the environment. To really heal from health challenges, including mental and emotional illnesses and addictions, we need to provide for our inner child. Once he or she is restored and rejuvenated, our relational field will automatically begin to refresh and renew. At that point, we can conduct a variety of energetic techniques to boost our relational field. Some of these techniques can also help us uncover and assist the wounded child.” (P. 143)

Exercises:

“Energy contracts disappear only after you determine their payoff, or the reason you are holding onto your end.

Traditional therapy can be extremely helpful for figuring out payoffs, as can asking yourself these questions:

1. Am I one of the original creators of this contract, or is something or someone else?
2. If I did not create it, how did I receive it? Is there something I must do, say, understand, or express to release myself from this contract?
3. If I did enter this agreement, when did I do so? For what reason?
4. What is the nature of the contractual agreement? What am I giving? What am I receiving?
5. How is this contract affecting me? How is it affecting the others around me or in the contract? Which syndrome or set of syndromes is it causing? Which energetic boundaries is it affecting?
6. What do I need to know to release myself from, to change, or to better use this contract? What feelings must I understand or express? What beliefs must I accept? What energy must I release or accept? What power or gift must I be willing to accept or use?
7. What forgiveness or grace must I allow myself or the other(s) involved?
8. Am I now ready for this healing? If not, why or when will I be?
9. Am I prepared to release the related syndrome so I can be my true self?
10. Am I ready to accept full protection so I can safely live my purpose in this world?

If you work through these questions and find yourself willing to release the contract, I suggest using a healing stream of grace, which is an ever-present reflection of Divine love.

If you were to look at the world through "God glasses,' you would perceive streams of unconditional love pouring down upon us from the heavens. Healers throughout the ages, including myself, have detected these bands of light, noting that they flow around-but not into individuals who are experiencing illness or challenges. When a stream is attached, especially to the bodily or energetic area in trouble, healing occurs.

You can call for a healing stream of grace to shift an issue, including energetic bondage. The following exercise can help you do this.

1. When you are absolutely willing to release the contract or cord, ask the Divine to substitute a healing stream of grace for it.
2. Accept the gift of this stream of grace, acknowledging it as perfect for you.
3. Ask the Divine to cleanse you of any remnants or effects of the cord.
4. Ask the Divine to provide a healing stream of grace for all others concerned in this contract.
5. Ask the Divine to now heal you internally and to restore your energetic boundaries so you can now live freely and in harmony with Divine will.

6. Feel the gratitude that accompanies this life change.” (P. 64-66)

____________

“Spirit-to-Spirit

I developed this exercise to use during sessions with clients, but have gone on to employ it in every area of my lite. At workshops, 1 teach it to professional healers, doctors, nurses, therapists, or inituitives, and afterward, most of them say, "This is the only technique I really need-for anything!"

"Spirit-to-Spirit" is a three-step process for establishing the spiritual borders we need to engage in any activity with another person. It ensures clean and pure boundaries, leaving us able to receive highly accurate, clear information, guidance, directives, or healing for ourselves or to offer to someone else.

I suggest you use this technique whenever you are engaged with a person who is triggering one of the energetic syndromes. It will immediately shift your energetic boundaries, disengage unhealthy connections, support loving bonds, and call in the assistance of a greater presence.

1. Affirm that you are a full, powerful, and loving spiritual being.
   Breathe into your heart while making this affirmation, and feel the resulting shifts in your energetic fields.
2. Affirm that the other person is also a fully developed and loving spiritual being. Sense the presence of his or her spirit inside and engage with it. Feel how the unhealthy connections release and only love remains. (This step can also be done between you and an entire group of people, such as your family or business community, or even between you and an animal.)

3. Call upon the presence of the Divine, which immediately shifts the situation into whatever it is supposed to be, while providing you with any necessary insight, protection, healing, or act of grace.

You can use the above exercise when engaging with any person or group—not just those causing you problems. For instance, I use this technique when working with clients. I first affirm my own internal spirit, then the essence of my client. Lastly, I call upon the assistance of the Divine, which, in turn, supports my client through a transformation and me as the witness to the process. I also use this technique when I simply want to connect with friends, inserting their spirit or spirits into step two. Because of its universal nature you can use this technique for all intents and purposes, for it furthers only divine will.” (P. 94-95)

As a life-long student, my learning continues through my endless reading, training, and personal experiences with my inner work.  If you took the time to read anything on this page, I am proud of you for doing the same!

I have several full book shelves, most of which are unread... so check back on this page from time to time.  I made it to help share the knowledge, insight, and wisdom I am gaining on my reading journey.